Inevitable

Having a diagnosis that says you will die within a year does something to a person and to those around you.  As soon as I came to the house and saw you, you had already changed so much. You had lost weight but that wasn't the biggest change, you had lost hope. We all had.  I talked to you about why you took so long to tell us, you were diagnosed in April and didn't tell us until the end of June. You said that you didn't know what you were going to do and didn't want us to worry. You said that maybe you were waiting for a miracle but you didn't get your miracle. I think about that all the time.  When I hear about people having beat the odds for the particular type of cancer or going into remission I can't help but get a little upset, where was our miracle? Why did they get to live longer or beat cancer and you didn't? I don't wish those  other people a different outcome, I know that there is a reason that they are still here.  I know that one day I will know why it was that you had to go so early, what it was that you had to do.